Demons are retarded

This post was supposed to be a review of “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”, but since I have nothing clever to say about the movie, I’ll address the larger issue at state here:

DEMONS ARE FUCKING RETARDED.

In the aforementioned movie, we have a smart, intelligent and capable young girl. Then these 6 fuckers posses her and suddenly she’s good for shit. Apparently, demons (and also Lucifer) have this advanced plan of swearing in Latin and vomiting on sheets until… well, until there are no more of those pesky sheets, I guess!!

Even if I allow the existence of demons and devil and all that goes with it, I’m still not convinced that while the good side has God and Jesus and angels and they’re doing these amazing things, the other (EEEEEVIL!!!) side is incapable of nothing else than possessing young girls and making them swear in languages they don’t know while vomiting different kinds of soup. It’s kinda redundant. And WHY?

And we’re supposed to believe that “evil is out there” and that “demons can get you” and that good and evil are in balance and that it will be an uncertain battle in the end? They are SO NOT in balance. Unless all good guys are doing is just laundry.

Level Up (2011)

I’m one of those people who just love making gaming references in real life. Making remarks about leveling up, graphics… I’m there. When I accidentally found out about “Level Up”, a new series about to come out, that’s set on doing just that - merging real life and gaming - I was like “HELL YEAH!”, but after I’ve just seen the pilot episode I’m all like “HELL NO!”

Maybe you wonder why?

Acting is horrible. I’m pretty sure that this thing is targeted at younger kids, so young in fact, that they don’t even have “poor acting” in their everyday vocabularies. So there’s an excuse to hire poor actors. It’s for kids. I guess the same goes for the script.

<Character 1> (some stupid remark)
<Character 2> (gaming\pop culture reference)
<Character 3> (insult 1 and 2 for LULZ)

Boy meets world meets video gamesCharacters are totally stereotypical. We have 3 guys, out of which one is a popular jock and hides the fact that he’s gaming because it would RUIN HIM. Games ruin lives! Remember that. It’s 2011. and you can’t be popular and\or have friends if you play games. There’s a positive message about gaming for all of you out there. Later on, somebody probably realized that they’re missing a female character so they add in a girl just to fill all of the requirements. Her weapon sucks monkey balls, by the way. All of them are, in fact, looking like cheap toys. Check out the visual aids to the right and see for yourself.

The game they’re playing is obviously an MMO, with “tens of thousands of players playing”. WHOA! Tens of thousands! It must be the biggest game out there! WOW currently has 10.3 MILLION people playing. I wouldn’t normally complain about the subscription count of a fictional video game, BUT THEY SHOW AN ENORMOUS SKYNET-LOOKING SERVER FARM IN THE FIRST EPISODE. And we’re meant to believe it’s only one of many. WHO ARE THEY FOR? All those countless tens of thousands of players? Come on…. We meet the programmer who made the game in the first episode as well. No surprise there - they portray him as a Peter Pan figure who refuses to grow up and acts like a spoiled brat with no sense of reality. SO MUCH LUV FOR GAMERZ! Thank you Level Up!

The monsters are lame. And inconsistent. Some of them are CG. Some of them are people playing dress up. You know what, Level Up? Either have all of the monsters CG or have NONE of them. This looks really stupid. Oh yeah, and the CG is awful, as expected.

But, all that aside, my biggest complaint is about the show itself. It’s about gaming. That’s cool. But it’s trying to be edgy about all the wrong things. Gaming is huge today. It’s not for “nerds” and “no life geeks”. Almost everybody I know plays games, at least once in a while. And they’re perfectly normal people. Why succumb to the stone age premise and make gamers look like total idiots? If this show is being made for gamers, shouldn’t it send a positive message about them? Big bang theory fucks this up occasionally, but this one is out of the box obnoxiously wrong about everything.

They are indeed making a show for gamers. Purely to take their money and give some neigh-sayers (hello everypony!) and parents more verbal ammo to shoot at gamers. Because games make you violent and prone to breaking law and the only use you’ll ever have from playing games is if, by any chance, games merge with real life and you have to kill a troll or two.

This series is totally unimaginative, lacks interesting characters and story, misses the point of gaming and sends an almost completely negative vibe about video games. Why? TO TAKE YOUR GOLDS! ALL YOUR GOLDS ARE… you get it….

ONE FINAL NOTE: THE DISCO BALL JOKE WAS HORRENDOUS. Somebody actually got paid to write that?

Don’t watch this shit.

It will tear your soul apart

The new Hellraiser movie was released a week or so ago. Although I’m a huge Hellraiser fan, I must admit I wasn’t even aware it was in the making so it took me by surprise.

At first I thought this was the remake, but no. Even though some parts of the story are an obvious rip off (you could say homage, but I’ll go with rip off) of the first Hellraiser movie, this is the ninth installment and a sequel.

Let me start by naming all the good things in this movie - it’s only 75 minutes long (short?). And that’s about it.

There’s a lot more going on on the negative side, though. Firstly, actors. One can’t shake off the feeling that any scene could probably convincingly derail into porn without losing anything in the credibility department. It looks and sounds fake, and the script doesn’t help. Admittedly, Hellraiser scripts were never Shakesfear quality material, but at least there were some memorable quotes and one liners that stood the test of time. Revelations has none of those.

The biggest disappointment in this movie is - THERE IS NO DOUG BRADLEY. He rejected the role of Pinhead. We got Stephan Smith Collins instead. One thing this guy sure did succeed in doing is proving that it takes more than makeup to convincingly play Pinhead. After eight movies with Doug Bradley, it’s hard to separate the character from the actor and this movie really suffers for it. I’m aware that it’s hard to be creative with the role because fans expect Pinhead, not Pinhead 2.0 and the character is pretty much set in stone by now. There is nothing else Stephan could do to make this work but try his best to imitate Doug. But he didn’t even try. Or perhaps he did, but he’s just that bad of an actor? There’s nothing intimidating in his bland performance and I couldn’t help but cringe\laugh each time he opened his mouth.

If this was the remake I would probably be much more okay with the “reinvention” of Pinhead (not a bad reinvention like this, though), but since this movie is in the same timeline with the other eight he just looks out of place and character.

“Hello,my friends. I want to put on record that the flick out there using the word Hellraiser IS NO FUCKIN’ CHILD OF MINE!” “I have NOTHING to do with the fuckin’ thing. If they claim its from the mind of Clive Barker,it’s a lie. It’s not even from my butt-hole.” - Clive Barker reviews Revelations via Twitter

The plot is dumb. I won’t spoil anything else, just that it’s dumb and dumber. Some of the scenes are from a POV of a handheld camera which seems to be all the rage in horrors these days. There’s nothing scarier than a dark, shaky, blurry scene with some yelling in the background.

After the movie was finally over I visited IMDB.com to find out why does this desecration of all that is unholy even exist. Basically, they needed to put out a Hellraiser movie before the end of this year so that they don’t lose the rights to the franchise. Which explains a lot quality wise. This movie is just another case of greedy people cashing in more money on the classics. I’m glad I didn’t buy this.

And the fun doesn’t end there - the reason that the future of the remake is still uncertain is because the makers want to make it TEEN FRIENDLY so they’re looking for a suitable script (the one Clive Barker approved was scrapped, apparently). What the hell, Weinsteins? A PG-13 Hellraiser? Will Pinhead sparkle in the sunlight? This has catastrophe written all over it.

Having read that, I am not surprised that Clive Barker and Doug Bradley don’t want to be involved with Hellraiser movies anymore. Because

WHAT THE HELL, WEINSTEINS?????

Perhaps some of you have noticed the QR code in the latest episode of TBBT. I did.

Obsessive as I am, I just had to find out what it says. Since I wasn’t watching it in HD (this should probably say “Since I’m not watching it in HD” because I paused the episode to do this), it took some photo editing to extract the code clearly enough to read it.

It says “http://Www.thecomiccenter.com

A bit disappointing. The URL is even written in plain text on the sticker to the left in the same scene. I expected something along the lines of “If you can read this, you need to get laid.”

Oh well, another mistery solved by your trusty hot for nerds.

Off to watch the rest. \o/

"Sintel" is an independently produced short film, initiated by the Blender Foundation as a means to further improve and validate the free/open source 3D creation suite Blender. With initial funding provided by 1000s of donations via the internet community, it has again proven to be a viable development model for both open 3D technology as for independent animation film. This 15 minute film has been realized in the studio of the Amsterdam Blender Institute, by an international team of artists and developers. In addition to that, several crucial technical and creative targets have been realized online, by developers and artists and teams all over the world.

Greatly done, thumbs up, standing ovation, 5 stars, less than three

(Source: )

Watch 1903's Alice in Wonderland for free.

synecdoche:

Alice in Wonderland (1903), the first-ever film version of Lewis Carroll’s tale, has recently been restored by the BFI National Archive and premiered at a celebration of the history of the classic story at the British Library.

Made just 37 years after the novel’s publication and eight years after the birth of cinema, the first film adaptation was directed by Cecil Hepworth and Percy Stow, and was based on Sir John Tenniel’s original illustrations. Hepworth cast his wife as the Red Queen, and he himself appears as the Frog Footman. His production secretary May Clark played Alice, and even the family cat and dog got in on the act. The cat played the Cheshire Cat, and the dog would go on to become the first authentic British film star (canine or otherwise) to have his name in the credit of a film when he headlined the pioneering chase film Rescued By Rover in 1905.

Although originally running just 12 minutes, Alice in Wonderland was the longest film produced in England at that time and represented a major investment for the pioneering Hepworth Studios. However, despite its historical importance, it was almost lost for good, and just one incomplete print is known to survive. (via the auteurs)

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