So, you’re a food critic…

Let me tell you why you suck. And all of you art, movie, music and etcritics can get in an orderly line as well.


But sure, you want a longer version because you want arguments. Fine!

Let’s say you’re an aspiring art critic. You see Mona Lisa for the first time in your life. Your breath is taken away, that painting is absolutely the most precious thing you’ve ever seen. You write poetry about it. You base your thesis on her mysteriouser and mysteriouser smile (cried Alice). And then, somebody shows you a completely new painting. Suddenly, Mona Lisa looks like a cheap whore. With no eyebrows. But your thesis is already out. So what do you do? Write a new one? Patch the previous one up? Or admit that your taste changed and Mona Lisa was great until you saw this better thing.

Let’s say you’re a food critic. And, for example, your mother died 5 days ago, and you go into a restaurant to review their food because you need to keep on living. They serve your favourite dish. They bring it to your table, you taste it and it’s NOTHING LIKE YOUR MOTHER USED TO MAKE IT. How dare they? SHE DIED! I know, this is a bit far-fetched, but guess what - things like that happen. They don’t even have to be so extreme.

You begin your career as a food critic. You visit 100 restaurants and give your opinions. 300 restaurants and rate them. You then visit your 5000th restaurant and rate it. Can you objectively say that your rating of the first 100 is still as valid? Do you even remember them? Can you compare the first meal you ate with your 5000th meal? Did your taste change? Which one was better? Oh, I guess you should revisit all of the restaurants and rate them again. But by then you’ll have 10000 ratings and be really fucked.

Let’s say you’re an X critic! Unless there is an idea of a perfect X somewhere out there, in the Platonic wild, you have NOTHING to base your reviews on. Except your own taste. Which sucks because it’s not mine.

People are obsessed with showing how unique of a snowflake they are, but we still have people who are supposedly qualified to tell other people what’s OBJECTIVELY good and what’s not. This restaurant overcooks their pasta? Well, what if I LIKE OVERCOOKED PASTA? Maybe that’s the best restaurant in the world for me? Your rating of 3/10 means nothing.

I mean, fine, it’s a job and you get to travel and taste stuff and pretend that you know what you’re doing and somebody will realize that you have a similar taste to theirs and follow your ratings because you’re compatible. BUT STOP ACTING LIKE IT’S AN OBJECTIVE FACT AND THAT YOU’RE AN EXPERT EATER (or whatever). No, one meal is not objectively better than the other, unless one is poisonous and rat infested and the other is sprinkled with tears of an angel and heals cancer.

I give critics 1 objective measure out of 10. I also apologize for the high amount of CAPS. But it was the right thing to do.

Cyberbullying doesn’t exist

It really doesn’t. Even my spell check underlines it. It’s just a buzzword that makes less informed people scared of the Internet. Nobody can harm your children online. If you’re raising them properly, of course.

If someone beats up or insults your kid in school, that’s bullying. If someone beats up your kid in school and then writes “You stupid motherfucker, why don’t you kill yourself?” on his Facebook wall, that’s NOT cyberbullying. That’s just plain old bullying with a technological twist. Someone you have real life contact with CANNOT cyberbully you. They know you, they bully you in real life, and just continue online.

If they know your home address, does that mean they could letterbully you? They could shit in your mailbox, perhaps?

The last, but not the least - if someone is harassing you or your child online, and you don’t know them in real life - JUST FUCKING IGNORE THEM. Block them, remove, unfriend, unfollow and a billion other ways. And teach your kid to do the same. This is not cyberbullying, it’s maybe kinda sorta trolling. And trolls are easily avoidable if you don’t get invested.

Be responsible, don’t let your kid hang online with zero supervision. Don’t intrude their privacy, but ask them what they’re doing online, who they are talking to, show some interest. If your child trusts you, they’ll open up. Don’t wait for puberty and then suddenly try to be a parent. It’s too late. Case study: Jessi Slaughter

Internet is vicious, evil, raw, honest and a great reflection of what humans really are when they’re “anonymous”. It’s also pretty great. Don’t be scared, nobody can harm you through the screen. And if someone commits suicide because of comments received online, they’re doing everybody a favour.

Who is fixing your computer?

If your answer was anything except for “me”, you might want to ask yourself a couple of questions:

1. Have I ever left my PC filled with personal information with somebody I don’t trust?

2. Have I ever left my PC filled with personal information with somebody I trust, but I shouldn’t?

3. Have I ever left my PC filled with personal information with somebody I trust, and I think I should? (you shouldn’t)

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, your data was (most probably) compromised. Yes, your chat logs, your pictures, your other kind of pictures, your web history, perhaps even passwords.

“BUT NO!”, you say! “I protected my files, they were in a secret folder somewhere. I also hid them.”

Sure, that could work. And for the most part could even be enough if your PC is being fixed by someone who’s fixing 100 computers per day and couldn’t be bothered. But if it’s your friend? They sure do have the time. They also know a lot more about computers than you because otherwise he wouldn’t be fixing yours. They probably know all of the usual “tricks”. Windows search dialog even has a “Search hidden files and folders” checkbox. You really don’t have to be a hacker to find “hidden” files on a PC.

I made a little anonymous poll asking this question: Would you go through personal files on a PC your friend gave you to fix?

Haven’t gotten many replies because I tried to avoid sites such as 4chan and this one because one is full of immoralfags, and the other is full of moralfags (don’t know what’s worse TBH), but the percentages remained the same from the 4th vote (now 34): 75% of people WOULD. Yup, that’s right. 3 out of 4 of your friends would suck your laptop dry looking for personal stuff.

And it’s such a perfect crime. You gave up your PC voluntarily. They’re actually HELPING you! You think your files are hidden and safe, or you just trust him\her and don’t worry. And if they’re intelligent enough to keep their mouth shut, you will never EVER find out that all of your personal everything has been compromised. Chat logs, diaries, pictures. And it can be used against you!

I wonder what would happen if your friendship with such a person fell apart. Or you earned a LOT of money. Blackmail? Posting your stuff on 4chan? Something worse?

The bottom line is: either give your PC to someone you completely trust (for example, someone who already DOES have access to your private “data”), or just learn how to properly back up and CLEAN\ENCRYPT your PC before giving it to someone shady (and everyone is). The best thing you could probably do is to learn how to fix your computer yourself.

Yup, that’s right. Learn how to back up data, how to install the OS of your choice, install drivers and all the applications you’re using. Why? Because you’ll self-improve by learning something new. Because you won’t depend on others. And because the only person fondling your stuff will be you.

How to: Write a blog post without inspiration

This is an awesome question and I’m glad nobody asked. So let me answer!

It definitely ain’t easy, let me tell you that. First of all, if you have no inspiration, you have to make stuff up as you write. And making stuff up as you write can be a little bit of a problem because you have no inspiration!

Most common causes of inspiration loss are:

1. It’s late and you’re tired, but you don’t want to go to bed yet.
2. You’re listening to non-inspiring music.
3. You spent most of the afternoon doing nothing. And if you do nothing, nothing does you.
4. Seriously, what song is this?
5. There is something wrong with your operating system so you’re focused on fixing that instead on getting some inspiration.
6. Drug abuse
7. Not liking Seinfeld

So, first you have to identify which of these applies to you. If it’s number 7, I probably hate you.

How to prevent inspiration from abandoning you?

I guess I’d have to say - make a HABIT of doing creative stuff even when you don’t feel like it. Write every day, even if it’s stupid. Draw every day, even if it comes out wrong. Sing every day, even if you neighbours want you dead. Inspiration is a bit of a playing-hard-to-get cheap whore. It seems everyone around you had their way with her, and yet she’s just out of reach.

You have to show that bitch that you can do without her, and then she’ll come crawling back to you.

This is how you write a post without inspiration. Not that it’s any good. But it’s WRITTEN!

Keyword: habit!

Open letter to the Linux Mint Team

Dear Mr Linux Mint Person,

I wish to register a complaint.

For many years I’ve been a great user of your distribution. I’ve helped people, rarely complained, enforced Linux upon unsuspecting victims and am constantly spreading the great word of Linux Mint. However, due to recent events, unfortunately I have to drop you from my project because I’ve never been more disappointed in ANY decision by ANY distribution so far.

Canonical made me use Unity much earlier than it was ready. It was a bad move. Gnome team made a complete mess with Gnome-shell, it was a bad move. But what you have done is unforgivable.

I’m a simple man. I use Linux for social networking, a bit of blogging and do an occasional photo edit in Gimp. I write my thesis in Writer and sometimes use terminal for practice. But now it’s impossible for me to do so in Linux Mint because of your poor decision making. HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO USE A DISTRIBUTION CALLED “NADIA” WHEN ALL I CAN THINK IS HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN “NINA”?

Maybe you don’t see this as a serious flaw in your system, but let me demonstrate in how many ways this affects me, and I’m sure a lot of other people in a similar situation. My girlfriend’s name is Nina, and I was really looking forward to the “Nina” (it was by far the most suggested name on the forums) named distro because she is a Windows user and it would have been a GREAT opportunity to convince her to try something named after her. Do you see what kind of a mess you made? Am I supposed to use something called “Nadia” (good luck with that name, seriously) and just ignore the fact that MILLIONS of people who are right now dating Ninas of the world have a system NOT named after their significant others?

I hope you do realize this is a serious issue and it’s not late to fix the error of your ways.

Thank you,
sincerely, Kristijan!

Linux, Windows and Bluetooth

What do these three have in common, you’re wondering? Well, the third worked on the second, but not on the first, on my laptop. The answer just rolls off your tongue, I know.

My Dell Inspiron showed zero interest in allowing me to use Bluetooth under Linux. I never use Bluetooth, to be honest, but it bugged me that it works flawlessly under Windows.

And then IT happened. I booted into Windows months later (really never use them, just wanted to update the antiviral applications) and was playing around with bluetooth and LEFT IT TURNED ON before rebooting back to Linux (my occasional OCD usually makes me turn it off because… well, because!). To my surprise, Bluetooth was now working in Linux as well.

I’m not sure what exactly Windows do to Bluetooth when you turn the adaptor off, but it survives rebooting and also interferes with other operating systems.

There are many posts about this online so I won’t go into technical details, I just wanted to tell you my story because FUCK YOU WINDOWS. And yeah, maybe it helps someone who is desperate like me to prove that everything works just as well under Linux, although it’s never ever being used. Seriously, Bluetooth?

Windows 8: Insert clever pun here

Much like the title of this post, Windows 8 is an attempt to come off as revolutionary and edgy, but it fails miserably. I’ve been using Windows 8 in a virtual machine so I won’t comment on their performance, assuming that it suffered greatly from RAM and CPU limitations.

But, from a usability perspective, it’s one of the worst user experiences I’ve.. well, experienced. Let’s consider messaging for a bit. Messaging is a full screen application where you can chat with people from whichever account you’ve set up. Nice. But if you want to, I don’t know, watch YouTube while chatting with someone, you can’t. Because it’s full screen. And you have to use it as such. So, basically, Metro apps force you to run them full screen and force you to disregard the fact that you maybe have a huge monitor that could simultaneously display a shitload of stuff. You also get two versions of Internet Explorer, one for metro and one for the old school desktop. Because one IE just wasn’t enough. Of course, one is locked to full screen, and the other is resizeable like application windows SHOULD BE.

Windows explorer is actually pretty nice and allows the placement of most used actions on the quick actions bar.

But sure, there is a “desktop mode”. Without the start button. Because the “metro home screen” is the start menu. But you have to press the WinKey (aka Super) to get to it. They could have easily left the start button where it was, but give it a new function (launch metro screen). That would make too much sense, probably. There are more than a couple user experiences available online showing that people who are less skilled in using computers have absolutely NO IDEA how to get back to the home screen.

Also, metro applications insist on horizontal scrolling. It’s great on a touch screen, I assume. But it’s really unintuitive on the desktop. But that is actually consistent with the rest of the UX, which is also pretty unintuitive. So, points for being consistent!

I have nothing else to say, it’s a huge step back in productivity and usability and I really really hope they’ll implement an option to turn metro off because otherwise I can’t see this as a desktop OS. And I’m not the only one. So, wake up Microsoft!

All the wrong people are speaking up for marijuana

First of all, let me just say that I am aware that marijuana can help people with serious illnesses by reducing symptoms and easing pain. Also, I agree that it should be made possible for people with these conditions to easily and legally obtain marijuana.

THAT BEING SAID, I’m really sick of the usual type of person speaking up for legalization of cannabis. Why? Because they’re not ill, they’re not activists concerned for well being of other people. They’re usually hippies that can’t find anything funny in Family Guy unless they’re stoned out of their freaking mind.

Sure, they won’t admit that, and you end up sounding like a jerk if you even try to point out that all they’re doing is finding a way to easily score some more pot because “it’s for the sick people, dude”. Yeah, it’s medicinal and YES everybody knows that, but your motives are really really really obvious. Dude.

PS - although everyone keeps saying that it has no serious side-effects, luckily I’ve met more than one person who are regular users and are shells of their former selves so I think otherwise. Is it from using, or abusing? Maybe they’re just sick :(

PPS - I meant the first couple of seasons of Family Guy, nobody can find anything funny in the latter ones.

Demons are retarded

This post was supposed to be a review of “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”, but since I have nothing clever to say about the movie, I’ll address the larger issue at state here:


In the aforementioned movie, we have a smart, intelligent and capable young girl. Then these 6 fuckers posses her and suddenly she’s good for shit. Apparently, demons (and also Lucifer) have this advanced plan of swearing in Latin and vomiting on sheets until… well, until there are no more of those pesky sheets, I guess!!

Even if I allow the existence of demons and devil and all that goes with it, I’m still not convinced that while the good side has God and Jesus and angels and they’re doing these amazing things, the other (EEEEEVIL!!!) side is incapable of nothing else than possessing young girls and making them swear in languages they don’t know while vomiting different kinds of soup. It’s kinda redundant. And WHY?

And we’re supposed to believe that “evil is out there” and that “demons can get you” and that good and evil are in balance and that it will be an uncertain battle in the end? They are SO NOT in balance. Unless all good guys are doing is just laundry.

Bitching hour: MATE and Cinnamon

Everyone’s bitching about Unity and Gnome Shell, so I decided to take the road less travelled and shit on MATE and Cinnamon. Why? No reason!

Cinnamon sounds like a good idea. Let’s make an old thing shiny by using new technologies to make something we’ve already seen. Ok, it doesn’t sound that good, does it? Why recreate something that already exists? On top of it all, why fork the window manager and make your own which is EXACTLY THE SAME like the one you forked, except for the name. You know, that could cause some serious dependency issues down the road. But who cares, right? Let’s fork everything!

The reason I dislike MATE is basically the same, except that this is actually an old environment, not a new one that just looks old. But forking made it worse. If you’re a clicker, you’ll be fine. But if you try to run nautilus by typing the name, guess what? It’s not nautilus any more. Nor is it gedit. etc. All default apps are called differently. So much for the gnome2 experience. That gets a strong dislike for the minor inconvenience from me!

Installing both Cinnamon and MATE on a system that already has some kind of a desktop environment is a really cumbersome thing because you get a lot of things you don’t need and a lot of things you already have. Sure, you can perhaps use gedit and <mate equivalent of it> for different things, but they’re basically the same application. But hey, now you have both! One is gtk2 compatible, the other is gtk3 compatible. So there you go!

Linux desktops are becoming an increasingly confusing mess, stop fucking around, stop forking around, let the poor thing stabilise a bit. I remember when testing out desktop environments used to be fun. -.-

That is all.

Manson is still villain, but is he able?

Not so long ago, current galaxy, a new Marilyn Manson album came out. Not much was known about it during the recording process, except that it will be THE BEST EVER ™ and will mark Manson’s return to form. 

Born Villain sounded like a concept album. With all the references to Shakespeare present in the Born Villain trailer, one could only assume that this album will be a lyrical masterpiece. Manson cited Fleurs Du Mal and Macbeth as influences. What could go wrong?

Well, a lot, actually. Album has no tangible concept, unless the listener wants to far-fetch a lot of things. And you want to do that, since conceptual albums were what they did best. Fortunately, Born Villain is not riddled with depressing love songs, but they are still present and don’t go well with the album’s supposed theme. Maybe I’m wrong and the album has no theme, but interviews from this era really sound like he’s proud of this  ”I became a born villain” concept, so I have no idea what to think. Lyrical high points are “Overneath the Path of Misery” and “Children of Cain”. I guess. I mean, it’s no Shakespeare or Holy Wood era Manson. But they’re okay. Ish. They fail miserably when compared to any of the band’s work up to (and including) The Golden Age of Grotesque, though.

Musically, it’s not bad. It’s no Holy Wood or Mechanical Animals or etc…, but it has its moments and just enough catchy parts to make you come back a couple of times. Vocals, however,  are horrendous at times, on my first listening I had the urge to skip some songs and the only thing you can do is let them grow on you (like a tumor) or immediately convince yourself that they’re great. I can appreciate the moments like “I have to look up just to see hell” had, where the screaming\moaning\wailing at the beginning really added to the atmosphere of the song, but on Born Villain whole verses and\or choruses sound like that. Luckily for Manson, that’s the only sound he can still produce live, so great for him!

All that being said, I enjoy Born Villain more than I’d like to admit. But I’m not in denial - if some random band came up with this album, I wouldn’t give it a second listen (or maybe even a whole first). This album works for me mostly because it’s Marilyn Manson, and I’m a fan boy. He can do better. They can do better. There is more than enough musical proof out there.

Final rating:

6/10 (mostly out of respect, or what is left of it)

Croatian president openly supports ACTA

Ivo Josipović displayed a wide variety of ignorance a few days ago when he openly spoke about ACTA as a good thing. Although he obviously supports the ACTA agreement and speaks about it at great length, one can get the impression that mister president didn’t read it very caref at all.

While comparing piracy to stealing from a supermarket and trying to compare digital information to groceries, he said that ACTA maybe could be exploitable for surveillance and intruding privacy , but that he believes it won’t be. 

Since ACTA itself cannot function without intruding privacy and constant monitoring of everything we do online (and offline?), it’s probable that Josipović doesn’t really have a firm grasp of what ACTA is and what it says. I won’t disagree that the ACTA agreement is a convoluted document written to confuse and hide its obvious fascist agenda, but Josipović did study law and shouldn’t have any problems with understanding it. But that would actually require some reading, I guess.

Croatia already sports a blank media tax protecting the (un)intellectual property of Croatian singers and artists which was also introduced by Josipović, unlike the displayed ignorance about the subject. He speaks of some elusive group of people called “the pirates” who lie about ACTA to protect themselves and it all sounds like a big fairy tale he’s trying to sell to the public while hiding his ignorance.

I am aware that sometimes piracy can be hurtful (although it’s not really hard proven), but it could also be a very valuable tool if people realized that the world of marketing changed and that the Interwebz are not the enemy. (for example, check this out).

Even if piracy was the biggest problem on the planet, it still doesn’t give anyone the right to censor the whole Internet and disregard any leftovers of privacy and free speech we might still have.

Not everything is hacking

There’s just so many hackers these days, you know?

"Somebody hacked into my Facebook account"

"My ex hacked into my email"

"I hacked her MySpace"

"Hackers stole my bike"

Just because you are stupid and don’t know shit about Internet security, that doesn’t mean everybody else is a hacker. No, it’s not hacking if you are a dumbass and leave your Facebook logged in on a public computer. No, it’s not hacking if somebody breaks into your account if your password is your first name or “dog” or “sex”. No, you’re not a hacker if your ex girlfriend uses the same password for every goddamn thing on the Internet.

It’s NOT hacking. Hacking is a skill. If breaking into your account takes 30 seconds and a simple guess, then it’s not a skill, it’s just YOU BEING STUPID.

Don’t tell your password to anyone, don’t leave your accounts logged in, don’t pick one syllable passwords, pick a proper security question\answer combination and stop dating psychotic maniacs - and guess what - not that many “hackers” around you anymore. Problem solved. NEXT

000webhost grinds my gears

I have recently signed up for a free hosting account at, and I know that “free” comes with a few catches, or in this case 22 of them, but they really are something else.

They promised 1500mb of storage space and 100gb of monthly bandwidth. Since all I wanted was to install a phpBB board for some of my friends and me, that sounded like more than enough.

However, not 2 weeks have passed and my account got suspended with this message:

"Suspended (Unmanaged or abandoned website that allows anonymous posting. MySQL database is overloaded with thousands of junk records. To get your account unsuspended please upgrade to our premium hosting.)"

Let’s dissect:

Unmanaged - Not sure what this is supposed to mean, but I guess they are implying that users were running amok and posting child pornography and warez all around. Which they were not.

Abandoned - They probably want to say that I haven’t logged into my account frequently enough. I guess 10 times every day just doesn’t cut it.

Anonymous - Oh no, these people want their privacy. They must be doing something illegal.

Overloaded - “While we did promise you 1,5gb of storage space, but come on, you have already filled almost 3%!!!!”, I hear them say.

Junk Records - This one baffles me the most. I’m sure all other free accounts on 000webhost contain records filled with cancer medications, AIDS prevention techniques, ways to get to the moon on a bike and similar amazing information (TM), so our petty little chatting looks like junk. And “thousands” is somewhere around 5 thousands, not 500 like they made it sound.

"To get our GREAT AND TOTALLY AWESOME SERVICE to work again, please GIVE US MONEY." I did intend to make an upgrade, but to hell with them, there is no way that I will pay them now. I just hope they will be fair enough to allow me to download a backup of the database before I abandon their unmanaged junk of a website.

Level Up (2011)

I’m one of those people who just love making gaming references in real life. Making remarks about leveling up, graphics… I’m there. When I accidentally found out about “Level Up”, a new series about to come out, that’s set on doing just that - merging real life and gaming - I was like “HELL YEAH!”, but after I’ve just seen the pilot episode I’m all like “HELL NO!”

Maybe you wonder why?

Acting is horrible. I’m pretty sure that this thing is targeted at younger kids, so young in fact, that they don’t even have “poor acting” in their everyday vocabularies. So there’s an excuse to hire poor actors. It’s for kids. I guess the same goes for the script.

<Character 1> (some stupid remark)
<Character 2> (gaming\pop culture reference)
<Character 3> (insult 1 and 2 for LULZ)

Boy meets world meets video gamesCharacters are totally stereotypical. We have 3 guys, out of which one is a popular jock and hides the fact that he’s gaming because it would RUIN HIM. Games ruin lives! Remember that. It’s 2011. and you can’t be popular and\or have friends if you play games. There’s a positive message about gaming for all of you out there. Later on, somebody probably realized that they’re missing a female character so they add in a girl just to fill all of the requirements. Her weapon sucks monkey balls, by the way. All of them are, in fact, looking like cheap toys. Check out the visual aids to the right and see for yourself.

The game they’re playing is obviously an MMO, with “tens of thousands of players playing”. WHOA! Tens of thousands! It must be the biggest game out there! WOW currently has 10.3 MILLION people playing. I wouldn’t normally complain about the subscription count of a fictional video game, BUT THEY SHOW AN ENORMOUS SKYNET-LOOKING SERVER FARM IN THE FIRST EPISODE. And we’re meant to believe it’s only one of many. WHO ARE THEY FOR? All those countless tens of thousands of players? Come on…. We meet the programmer who made the game in the first episode as well. No surprise there - they portray him as a Peter Pan figure who refuses to grow up and acts like a spoiled brat with no sense of reality. SO MUCH LUV FOR GAMERZ! Thank you Level Up!

The monsters are lame. And inconsistent. Some of them are CG. Some of them are people playing dress up. You know what, Level Up? Either have all of the monsters CG or have NONE of them. This looks really stupid. Oh yeah, and the CG is awful, as expected.

But, all that aside, my biggest complaint is about the show itself. It’s about gaming. That’s cool. But it’s trying to be edgy about all the wrong things. Gaming is huge today. It’s not for “nerds” and “no life geeks”. Almost everybody I know plays games, at least once in a while. And they’re perfectly normal people. Why succumb to the stone age premise and make gamers look like total idiots? If this show is being made for gamers, shouldn’t it send a positive message about them? Big bang theory fucks this up occasionally, but this one is out of the box obnoxiously wrong about everything.

They are indeed making a show for gamers. Purely to take their money and give some neigh-sayers (hello everypony!) and parents more verbal ammo to shoot at gamers. Because games make you violent and prone to breaking law and the only use you’ll ever have from playing games is if, by any chance, games merge with real life and you have to kill a troll or two.

This series is totally unimaginative, lacks interesting characters and story, misses the point of gaming and sends an almost completely negative vibe about video games. Why? TO TAKE YOUR GOLDS! ALL YOUR GOLDS ARE… you get it….

ONE FINAL NOTE: THE DISCO BALL JOKE WAS HORRENDOUS. Somebody actually got paid to write that?

Don’t watch this shit.

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